Grief Support

Grief Support Resources

While dealing with grief is not easy, the resources within this section of our website can help. We have provided some guidance that may be helpful in your situation. Should you need additional support in grieving your loss, please call us. We will do everything we can to assist you.

Grief Support with Purpose

No one prepares for grief. The rush of feelings, thoughts, anxieties, and heartache can take us by surprise and drive us to our knees. Yet, amazing things can happen when we harness that power for self-growth. Good can come from pain.

Sigmund Freud first brought up the concept of grief work in 1917, and today the idea that bereavement is purpose-driven continues. Dr. James Worden chose to see the work of bereavement as task-oriented:
  1. To accept the reality of the loss
  2. To process the pain of grief
  3. To adjust to a world without the deceased
  4. To find an enduring connection with the deceased in the midst of embarking on a new life
While dealing with grief is not easy, the resources within this section of our website can help. We have provided some guidance that may be helpful in your situation. Should you need additional support in grieving your loss, please call us. We will do everything we can to assist you. 
Your current job is to focus your attention on achieving each of those goals. It will not occur in any logical order; each of us is different, and the path we walk in the bereavement journey is not straight.

Dealing with grief is hard work. It takes courage and hard work to adapt successfully to the loss of a significant person.

6 Stages of Grief 

Dr. Stephen Joseph identifies what he calls six signposts to facilitate post traumatic growth. He reminds readers too that "post traumatic growth does not imply the absence of emotional distress and difficulties in living. It does imply that it is possible through the struggle to come out on the other side, stronger and more philosophical about life."

Before identifying these six signposts, Dr. Joseph reminds his readers of three very important things:
  1. You are not on your own
  2. Trauma is a normal and natural process
  3. Growth is a journey
He also provides a fundamental rule: don't do anything you might not be able to handle now. "If you experience intense emotions, become physically upset, or begin to panic... stop." He gently reminds readers that "having a sense of personal control over your recovery is important. There might be some things you do not feel ready to handle now, but in time, as you discover new strength and develop new coping skills, this will likely change."
"By focusing on these six signposts," writes Dr. Joseph, "you will find that your post-traumatic growth is beginning to take root."

Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out of Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. When we lose someone dear to us, most of us don't want to agree to it; we have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word—try "adjustment" or "integration." Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to create a new life, a proactive life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One," the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It's common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased and use it in other relationships."

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning allows us to live fully again. It will enable us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than you had before your loved one died.
Sources:
  1. Freud, Sigmund. On the History of the Psycho-Analytic Movement Papers on Metaphyschology and Other Works.
  2. Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.
  3. Fleming, Stephen. The Changing Face of Grief: From 'Going On to 'On-Going''
  4. Joseph, Stephen. What Doesn't Kill Us: the New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth
  5. American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012
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